Scarves, scarves, good for some laughs the more you eat the more they’re scarves.

Who wants to win a slightly blemished holiday souvenir in ONE HUNDRED PERCENT POLYESTER?
Who wants to be the king or queen of chic in badly rendered silk feel ecstasy?
Who wants to cover up their lovebites after making out with the local hottie?
Ha! Totally busted your hickies. Cover that shit up, girlfriend.

I am GIVING AWAY some charity shop joy. Some second hand glee. A Ride on the Fancy Bus.

Have a look at these prizes.

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Ever been to Rome? No? Who cares? Wear this and everyone will think you have.
“Guarda il mio cazzo di sciarpa fresco.” “Look at my fucking cool scarf.” YOU’RE WELCOME.

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Ahoy there! Do you love Nauticallism? Pirates? Anchors ? Scurvy, typhoid and rickets? Finish off your look then with this lovely little beauty. Use it to lead a mutiny, splice the mainbrace or just tie it round your moby dick.

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What better way to remember your visit to Gibraltar than witnessing the ritualistic stabbing and slaughtering of a bull? This beautiful keepsake is yours to own if you win this fantastic competition. Beautifully drawn by a nine year old child at gunpoint this lovingly crafted item could be on your shoulders for the cost of a tweet or an email. Slightly marked. Not sure what it is. Could be bull’s blood. Hope not.

To win one of these wonderful objects d’art all you need to do is tweet on twitter. And answer this question;

Which famous celebrity bull would you rather have sex with?

(a) Bully from Bullseye

(b) Bullwinkle*

(c)  Benico Del Torro.
*was he a moose?

Tweet this answer along with the hashtag #sexybulls and I will pick a winner. Oh and link to the blog, obvs.

For those of my friends who aren’t on Twitter – KEEP UP, GRANDMA – you can email me electronically or send me a postcard if you’ve the inclination. I will pick a winner at random and post it off lovingly wrapped.

The cash value of these prizes combined is a whopping ninety pence so please, choose your sexy bull wisely. And Good Luckage!