Being busy is a bastard, right? I was so busy today that I answered the phone while I was changing a nappy and blowdrying my hair. I did my Yoga practice in under thirty seconds. Stick that up your Asanas.

A lot of the wellbeing practices I like to do are time consuming, and they are time consuming precisely because they need to have some consideration taken over them, so I don’t deny them that. But I’m busy. You’re busy. You’re probably reading this while having sex and sorting out your finances. So I’m making a list of simple things which may make you feel better and won’t need to be done to an ancient ritual when the cock crows on the third night of a waning moon or whatever. They’re just nice things to do to increase your wellbeing.

Life isn’t divided into genres. It’s a horrifying, romantic, tragic, comical, science-fiction cowboy detective novel. You know, with a bit of pornography if you’re lucky. – Alan Moore

Eat a piece of fruit a day. It’ll increase your vitality, power up your vitamin stores and make you feel better.

Go for a run. I know, I know. Before I was diagnosed with Post Natal Depression the only time you’d see me running is if my shoes were on fire. But it works. Get some lovely blood pumping, fresh oxygen zooming round your system like hovercars from the future, endorphin peaking, heart racing, mood stabilising exercise anyway you can, with whoever you please. Just two minutes will do it.

Go somewhere green. On a lunchbreak if you have to, even if it’s just the nearest cemetery. Just 2 minutes surrounded by nature lowers stress levels as measured by blood pressure, muscle tension and brain activity. Two days spent in the countryside increases your levels of cancer fighting white blood cells by 50%. Read this for more info.

Sit quietly. Before you bark a derogatory laugh and sneer “When? When I’m dead? Have you seen how much stüffe I’ve got to do? God, woman!” think carefully if you can wring two more minutes from your day to savour some calm, tension relieving silence. Unfocus your brain and imagine your thoughts drifting away from you like leaves on a stream. Yes, I am a fucking hippy. Shut up and sit quietly.

Best of all is something you can do for yourself, whatever that thing might be. Love playing chess in the nude outdoors in the winter? Join the Nude N’ Frosty Chess Club! That club doesn’t exist? Form one! Who cares that you’re the only member and that your bishop has frozen to your rook and your nipples could be used to crack walnuts? You’re happy, right?

And that is the point, my friends, that is the point.