Oh man. The charity shops near me have got a HALF PRICE SALE ON. Do you know what this means? Of course you do you gubbins, it means I am buying up the place for about a tenner and parading around the house in my new garbs ROARING with pleasure. Do you want to see some of them? You do? Of course you do, you maniacs.

Look! At these bad boys. Tiny little porcelain brooches, as fragile as a bone china haiku. The most expensive of the lot was £2.50 because the woman in the charity shop knocked a pound off and I let her because I am a tightwad.



Stare! In amazement as you bear witness to this little deer figurine with no purpose nor value WHATSOEVER. It was too pretty, and for fifty of your finest pences it was too much of a bargin to leave on the shelf. “Come with me, my pretty,” I gurgled happily.


Eyes Right! To this skirt for me. A few of the dudes reading this will be shrugging and thinking ‘I wish she’d talk about her tits again. Where are the tits?” and I say to you…KEEP READING. This is a Vintage St Michael (prev. M&S) petrol blue full length corduroy skirt with pockets. It makes me look both shorter and fatter than I actually am but frankly it is such a hot piece at such a bargain price that I wouldn’t care if it made my vagina look like the Wookey Hole caves.